


in the arms of forbidden love

by techno_chan25



Category: Dreamwastaken, Minecraft youtube, Video Blogging RPF, mcyt
Genre: ADHD, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:48:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29194068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/techno_chan25/pseuds/techno_chan25
Summary: "he only sees me as a friend right?...than why do i feel it so deep inside of me, like if i even whisper it to myself i will get lost, tangled... and will never escape his eyes, voice, smile, skin...so i try to ignore but the flames of desire are getting stronger and stronger making it impossible for me to avoid "this is a story about falling for your best friend slowly and passionately, when you feel it deep down but try to ignore and burry it inside, because you have no hope for the future in the world where love is considered a sin. however when they give you a flicker of hope it lights up the flame of desire, witch burns you alive and you can no longer hide kisses of pain covering every inch of your buddy.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Kudos: 3





	1. fear

**Author's Note:**

> so for anyone who reads this: thank you so much, this is literally my favorite thing that i have created i appreciate everyone who just gives it a chance. also it isn't something that would make dream or george uncomfortable.

if nothing is broken there is nothing to fix right?... that thought suffocated dream for so long, if he was fine than there was no explanation for how he acted, what he thought about. trust me when i tell you he thought about things that made him despise himself, that made him feel like a loneliest person alive...but if he was broken, if there was a word for who he was and other people where out there just like him, he wouldn't be alone. dream's head tends to wonder, somedays in places he doesn't want it to go, but he can't really control the thoughts running thro his head.

that day was one of those days...he is laying silently looking at the light above him flickering "i swear if power goes out again" he thought to himself. while he was zoned out wondering in his head another light approached the ceiling. it was his phone next to him, causing the return to reality. 

it was george: "dude where are you i'm starting the stream"

"shit i forgot imm be there in a second try not to miss me too much :)" dream texted back. "oh how will i manage to do that dream" he chuckled to himself while reading his reply. 

there is nothing more entertaining to dream than teasingly "flirting" with george it is all a joke tho everyone knows that, right?...

dream quickly got up and turned on his pc light softly touched his face. "hay dream" "helloo" chat was quick to welcome dream. he was taking a short brake so he felt happiness creep onto him while interacting with his friends again. 

he joined the vc and turned on george's stream on the second monitor, his bright smile, soft voice was enough to push dream out of the reality again. . 

he really wanted to meet his friends, however even the thought of it terrified him, as one does he often wondered if any of them would like him. still seeing george up close making him laugh in person was way to nice to think about.   
why was it so god damn nice to think about? 

"hi dream" said sapnap with welcoming voice "hi hi" dream replied. 

"you're not gonna say hi to me goggy?"   
" you shouldn't have been late if you wanted hi dream"   
"come on now i still deserve it"   
"no you don't" "  
"okay guys cut it out i need help here i'm dying" sapnap screamed  
"okay okay where even are you" george replied 

they played for a while like normal than donation came thro george's stream " hay george i just wanted to ask have you seen dream's face?" 

"no acutely i haven't he won't show it to me" said george teasingly   
"you want to see it george?" dream replied with his usual "flirting" voice, but this time tried to make himself sound like he wasn't joking "let's face it i'm getting bored without george getting defensive and weird" he thought to himself 

he does that a lot... the reason is unknown tho even he doesn't know, or doesn't want to admit it because if he even whispers it to himself the strange feelings will become reality, he isn't ready to face the reality.

"yes clay i do" as george said that dream looked at his stream. george was gently covering his face with one hand, touch of pink lighted up his cheeks. he couldn't hold the smile in so dream just thought george was trying to make him nervous (witch he did very successfully)

what was the strange warmth in dreams heart coming from his best friend's smile...he felt the desire slowly making its way into dreams mind.

"WHat? what" that was all he could say, that was the moment he realized how good it was that no one could see him, because his face got as red as a blooming rose. not because he hadn't heard something like that from george but because it sounded different..o..or he heard it differently.

george softly saying "clay" while his lips barely parted, dream straggled to find a lighthearted joke in his best friends voice. 

his name being used like that...it was weird? and unusually comforting.

"what? like you don't know that i do and looks like chat wants me to see it too so now you have to show it to me..."george was saying all of it so confidently but dream could see him,he was smiling the way he had seen before, george wasn't completely sure if he wanted to say it, to push farther.

"dream?" he heard george say as his head was all over the place   
"there is no way you can handle how pretty i am silly" he tried to make a joke of it

"try me" 

"you don't even say you love me but you want to see me so badly why is that? you're such an idiot"dream said in hopes of getting back his confidence and make george loose his he wanted to see george struggle, blush and fall over every word dream said.

"oh come on that's not the same"george said and dream knew he succeeded   
"i can see you blushing george so now tell me how on earth will you handle my face?" dream said with as much confidence as he could 

"i'm not blushing it's just hot in here...anyway forget it dream" george's face was filled with disappointment. he was staring at dream's avatar with his big brown eyes dreaming about seeing his friend.

he could almost feel heat coming from dream's face earlier when he called him clay why was that? every other time he would get med but now he got scared? scared of george getting personal maybe or it's just george's head wondering father then he is allowed too. 

dream was actually scares of showing his face to george. he didn't know the reason, there was just something dream couldn't quite understand. 

he decided to not push him father.  
"hey... you just need to fly all the way to florida george, there is no way you're getting to see me that easily" he said with a big smile as softly as he possibly could 

"oh yeah think that's gonna stop me dream?"

no dumbass i really hope it doesn't, dream thought hoping he could see his best friend soon, however he was also terrified.. terrified of his touch, seeing him up close, feeling him so privately and he couldn't hide behind the computer screen.

he wasn't going to manage being this confident "dream" he was trying to hold onto so hard. he was just going to be clay... 

that terrified every inch of his body there was a chance of him loosing george his best friend because of it but also he wanted to risk it all just to feel his presence all over him.

" we will see about that" dreams said with a soft laugh 

they played for like thirty minutes after than george said: "i'm kinda tired sapnap already left too so i will be ending the stream now guys byee" he waved at his camera 

and his stream went black dream couldn't see him anymore. 

this was the time dream could finally talk to his friends mindlessly about stupid stuff for a little bit until he went back to sleep or went to eat. he really loved talking like this because none of them where masking to entertain fans it was just two of them chatting   
"so clay..." george said softly


	2. clay

"so clay" george said softly   
there was it again, strange comfort in hearing his name thro georges lips it sounds so god damn warm.

however it's also strange and scary, the thought of george getting too close, too personal is so uneasy, if dream gets even more attached then he already is it's not going to end well for him. george's smile, laugh, voice everything about him is already makes dream go crazy.

and he knows it, because he knows, dream can't let himself think about it not even for a second. he can't let it get to him he has to push george farther. why? you may ask, well he doesn't quite understand ether, because when you aren't letting yourself think and figure it out, you get lost and scared so you act without much reasoning. bottling up your emotion is like trying to catch a burning flame, that desperately wants to be free.. it wants to melt everything around you to get to you but if you put something over it try to catch it it dies... leaves you in the dark to wonder alone with no direction completely lost.

"stop it george"  
"stop what?"  
"oh come on now like you don't know what you're doing" dream tries with everything in his power to push his best friend until he gets any more close.

"okay i won't call you your real name anymore i get it...sorry" george says with guilt. it was never his intention to make dream uncomfortable, he always jokingly says so much shit to george that gets to him, that makes him forget reality and disappear, that makes him loose his mind in the void of dream's voice, that touches his body and completely destroys him. he wanted to do the same thing to dream he wanted to make him feel it too it was some kind of strange revenge if you will.

"oh it..it's okay you can call me anything you want george i mean it" words escape dreams mouth without him even noticing it  
"really?" george says with a smile   
"anyway what did you wanted to say?"dream says as he realizes what he just told george   
"well i was wondering if you meant it"  
"meant what?"  
"'me only being able to see your face if i came to visit you"  
"you're such an idiot" dream says with a soft laugh. 

he is wondering if george wants to met him as much as he does. if he wants to feel him up close, to look at him endlessly but of course he doesn't...i mean george hasn't even seen his face yet, right? 

" i'm serious you will actually make me wait for that long...clay?" george softly says. like he doesn't want to scare dream off he doesn't want to break him.

*all you have to do is ask george* dream wants to say that so badly he wants george to want him. to want to see him but why? why is he thinking such stuff he shouldn't.

and that stupid name "clay" why does it sound so good coming from george's soft voice 

"i'm really tired george let me call you after i take a quick nap alright? you should sleep too you said you were tired didn't you?" says dream in hopes of avoiding the conversation 

"alright but when you call me we will continue with this... whatever this is, promise me"  
dream chuckles at how hard it is for george to find words at this point   
"i promise"


	3. version of you

sound of george disconnecting gives dream a sense of relief as well as feeling of sickness in his stomach. he sits there staring at his pc with the familiar emptiness he feels every time georges voice fades away, dream is alone with his thoughts he so wants to forget.

dream falls on his bed trying to understand what was that got to him. maybe it was a bittersweet hope of feeling george up close or just overthinking the whole "clay" thing i mean it is just his name.

dream felt this way every now and then after talking to george. seeing a touch of pink creeping on his face, seeing him smile, laugh, talk, every detail made clay feel something but each time he manages to get himself under control. to not cross the invisible line george has set between them. he can't even understand why he wants to cross it so bad. why he wants to mean more to george why he wants george to want him, so he just ignores the feeling and naturally it fades away...until the next time every inch of dream's body is craving something from his best friend. so he has to make the feeling leave all over again. it's exhausting. 

but now it's different in some way...like dream felt something from george as well, his voice didn't sound like he was joking at all. or maybe dream is just overreacting of course george wants to see his friend's face that's all there is to it nothing too deep. for dream there was just one way to find out if george felt something too, he was going to cross the line make george loose himself, surely than he would brake.

well that's enough overthinking for tonight. he said and got up. there was no way he could sleep with this train of thoughts running thro his head.

so he went to take a shower. water running down his face was refreshing, but still couldn't get georges face out of his mind. he tired, he tried so hard to forget to let it go. with every breath he took it felt like a blade slowly twisting inside of him, he was sick of himself for thinking such things about his friend, for wanting more...

at the same time tho he couldn't help but want more.

sound of water hitting the floor stoped and dream creeped out of the shower. slowly making his way back into his room. 

he lied on the floor and returned to self hatred. 

as he wondered in his mind for hours a phone call got his attention it was george calling him...

"hey i hope i didn't wake you up it's just... it's been like a lot of time for a quick nap i got inpatient" dream could feel the soft smile coming from georges voice...it was comforting, he felt less scared.  
"it's okay you didn't wake me up i was actually about to call you"   
"...that's great uhm" he sounded confused dream noticed he wasn't fully awake yet. he is so cute

they set in silence for a while, not the awkward one tho. they where listening to each others breathing trying to find right words however there wasn't any words needed, both of them could feel other was hiding something.

"george can you say it again" dream said softly   
"say what?"  
"my...my name" 

dream said softly in hopes of understanding what was that he felt last time.

"clay...claay" george said playfully both of them were tired and with practically no filter 

"you're so cute" breathy words escaped clay like he lost control over himself   
"not as cute as you" looks like george wasn't thinking about his words ether 

"you...you don't know that"   
"why don't you show me then"  
"george i- i plea"  
"clay...come on i want to see you up close, i-i want this version of you in my head that never fucking leaves to finally loose his mask. is this too much too ask" george said all of it so fast like he wanted to get ride of it, to finally say it

"version of me...?" dream said with a playful smile  
"like you haven't imagined anyone...or dreamed of anyone....wanted anyone" george sounded so soft   
"you want me, george?" dream said and smile of confidence brushed thro his face.  
"don't make this weird"  
dream took a deep breath it was his chance to push farther, to finally make george give in.

"stop avoiding me george. say it"  
"make me"  
heat rushed thro every inch of dreams body. he whispered   
"i want you george, all of you, just for me maybe that makes me selfish but i can't lie anymore" he unclenched his jaw and felt the soft kisses of desire all over him. he could imagine heat covering georges lip, sweat on his neck.

"stop messing with me"   
"i'm not messing with you, all of what i'm saying is real, i want to feel you, i want you to feel wanted, needed"   
george made a sound of pleasure and immediately slapped his hand over his mouth 

"i heard that...you can't hide it forever george"  
"dream" george said with a soft breath.   
guilt slowly made its way into dreams mind was he going to far?  
"i- uh caly you're making this hard"

"am i?"

"it's not funny anymore"  
"i'm not joking"  
"so what do you want me to say? that that every time i hear your voice my-my body melts, clay you're whisper makes me makes me..." he sighed in defeat.   
"'makes you what?" dream said with a soft smile  
"makes me loose myself in you, makes my head wonder in places i don't want it to go" george had nothing more to hide

"i want you to do something george will you do it?"   
"yes drea... clay" georges voice was shaking, dream's face heated up, there heart beat went crazy this was not a joke...not even close 

dream opened his camera and took what was hardly a selfie. it was dark in his room but you could see his hand berried in massy blonde hair, his lips parted softly, exposed neck, his hand covered one eye other was closed and his cheeks where soft pink, he captioned it and pressed send. he wasn't very visible but it was enough for now...he wanted to make george want more.

"holy...shit dream" george was speechless 

"what?" dream said with a laugh "you're the one who wanted to see me...you still need to visit me to see more tho"

dream's selfie said "it's your turn now :)" 

"goggy screenshoted the photo" -notification came thro 

"ah not even going to ask me pormission or do what i asked huh?" 

"shut up i will do it...and i just want to hold on to this is that okay?"

with george saying all of it with that voice dream couldn't say no

"it's okay"


	4. you’re driving me crazy

as dream's phone was resting on his chest notification of george's photo came thro 

it made dream loose last remaining control over himself.  
not because it was something he had never seen before but because it was so personal, dream could feel george thro it. that made him want him even more.

it was just george laying in his bed. looks like he called dream right after he woke up, so george was still so cutely rapped in a soft blanket blushing, his shirt pulled down a little exposing his neck, his hair was massy. even tho georges room was dark dream could see him..feel him.

"you're driving me crazy george" dream said ever so softly. like he had no energy to make a joke or hide his feelings, this conversation took all control from him.

george made a sound of pleasure like he was satisfied to see dream so vulnerable.  
"am i clay?" 

"you're such an idiot...george uhm can i save it?" dream said with a giggle.  
"yeah" george laughed softly.   
he couldn't quite understand what was happening, why his body and mouth where following this conversation without his control, why he liked this so much and that feeling that creeped slowly because of dream's voice, words and that photo... he wanted to touch him so bad but why? will this conversation even matter? will dream even acknowledge it late? 

"seeing you like this george...i- want you more than ever" fuck i'm thinking out loud   
"you have seen me before dream..."  
"no this is different so much more different"   
george smiled making his bottom lip sit between his teeth "well you don't even know how i feel...that selfie of yours drove me insane dream you say you want me? well i have never wanted anything more than i want you"

"come on now you can barely see me" dream said in disbelief 

"that's enough for me, am i enough for you?"  
"of coarse you are"  
"prove it"   
"how?"  
"let me visit you dream"

there it was, words that brought dream back into reality fear took over him. how on earth could he control himself if george was gonna be so close one touch away? no way he could, even when just talking he completely lost control. this wasn't going to end well for there friendship dream was scared...and what do scared people do? they hide, run, lie, push people away and dream was no exception.

"george i want to trust me"  
"but?.." said george with disappointment   
"but i- im not sure and i'm not ready...sorry"  
"ready for what clay?"  
"feeling you up close dummy i don't think i'm ready for that i don't want to do this to myself or you or our friendship"  
"so you...uh forget it dream just think about it. for me okay?"  
"i will i promise"  
" i will get up now...talk to you soon?"  
"yeah talk to you soon"

did i just ruin everything did i hurt him? but i guess it's better to hurt him now than ruin our friendship for good...i can't risk loosing myself in him. i can't risk ruining everything, scaring him off. if i look at those soft pink lips up close what will i even do? it scares me to even think about it. it will be all right, i will just bury all of it inside like i always do...let's just hope george doesn't make that hard for me 

dream now more that ever needed to clear his head so he just walked out of his house for a small walk. as he put his headphones in his mind wondered off to george and he was just too tired to stop himself. 

thought of georges skin, lips, his massy hair and voice...made his heart beat so fast... 

and he let himself imagine it just for a second, dream touching george slowly...making his way into his soft hair pushing it away to see georges beautiful eyes gazing at him. other hand moving down onto his neck and dream slides his head closer, inches away form george. both of their cheeks are covered in dust of pink. he can feel georges soft, warm breath on his face. dream is so close if he moves his lips a little it will touch georges. he moves his head to the side creeping next to georges ear breathing softly "can i kiss you?"  
he whispers 

as george is about to nod his head someone bops into dream "sorry my bad"  
and he is back to reality hating himself for thinking such thing...for not stopping himself.

safe to say walk didn't help at all so he wonders back inside, laying next to patches on the floor. slowly petting her " do you think i'm going crazy" she meaws "yeah that's what i thought even you think i lost it" 

he reaches for his phone and texts sapnap "i don't think i will be joining the smp today"   
"oh come on man first george now you"   
"sorry tomorrow i will be there okay?"  
"fine, you're doing okay tho right?  
"yeah just busy"

so george wants to avoid taking too? or is he just not joining? dream thought to himself "whatever it is i should actually get some sleep instead of sitting here being useless and thinking useless things, isn't that right patches?"

he landed on his bed looking at the photo of george "you're driving me crazy" he said ever so quietly.


	5. the swan

dream thought about seeing george a lot as you would imagine. his mind was like a forest in autumn rain: confused, filled with so much color so many thoughts. it was beautiful yet scary. was he being selfish? or doing something good for both of them by not letting george any closer. he didn't know... he was lost in that forest that he created. tying to stay alive, it's not everyday you fall for your best friend who lives so far away, in the world where simple love is considered a crime if not done the "right" way, however he knew one thing.. he had to do something, anything.

as sleep slowly creeped onto dream forcing him to close his eyes shut, he quickly realized tomorrow he was going to play with george again and after their conversation...let's just say he knew that wasn't going to end well for anyone. so he did what he wished to avoid the most...

he called george.

"hay" dream said nervously   
"hi" said george with soft smile  
"i- uhm i just wanted to talk to you about what happened earlier"   
"you really don't have to do that dream. i thought about it and i get it it's not easy for ether of us i will see you whenever you are ready...i will wait for you clay until the end of time if i have to" it was hard for dream to even comprehend how good it felt that someone cared this deeply about him.

"actually..." he said with breathy voice like he was trying his best to find words but no words could cut it, so he grabbed his laptop turned on "the swan" by saint-saens (if this song doesn't become next heat waves i quite) 

and laid on the floor 

"george can you lay down for a second"  
"okay..." said george and fell on the floor, if you focused hard enough if you closed your eyes for just a second and let yourself see with your soul, george was somehow laying next to him. 

"clay it's...beautiful"  
"not as beautiful as you...but you're right it sounds like falling in love george ...without any words, you can just feel it deep down can't you?"  
"yeah i can...only when you're talking tho your voice dream, makes it sound like..like dare i say it, falling in love"   
"i want to see your face right now george while you're listening to this and and my voice i wanna feel how flustered you are how softly you're breathing i want all of it, all of you..."

the music, each other's soft breath and voice made them flout with no fear of falling. dream ever so quietly let himself want george without guilt and self hatred. just for a second he let himself feel it, he let the flames burn him, and it felt good the pain of the fire felt better than anything he has ever experienced. 

"what would you do...if i was laying right next to you i mean, if i was that close clay if what you're saying came true, just imagine it and tell me"

"so you want me to imagine a..a version of you next to me and tell you what i would do?"  
"exactly...and i will tell you what i would do"  
"okay..." dream said softly and closed his eyes slowly

suddenly he could almost feel georges soft skin touching him almost hear his breathing, his voice so closely.

"george..i would take your hand slowly..gently i know it sounds cheesy but i would hold on to you, close my eyes and feel the music...feel you" dream said almost whispered so delicately like he was trying not to broke something.

"than i would slide my head closer to yours and i- i would ask you : will you dance with me george"  
"i would reply: i almost thought you would never ask" george said with a soft smile   
"than i would wrap my hand around your waist pulling you closer and closer resting my head onto yours"- dream felt how much he was falling into this fantasy...but his head also couldn't help but wonder, was it just that...a fantasy...?

"i would slowly creep my hand onto your neck and rest my head there too clay...and would let you sway me in any direction you would want, anywhere" george said and his hand reached out without his control, he wanted to find him somewhere..somehow. 

"i can almost feel your breath on my neck george you're so close yet so far away...it hurts" dream said as he reached out his hand as well and felt pain deep inside because he couldn't find him anywhere.

"i know..." george sighed and deep painful silence fall on them.

"i -i thought about it a lot and you're the only thing in my mind george you make me crazy i- i can't take it anymore we have gone too far for me to just ignore this so... do you still want to see me?" dream said all of it so fast so directly. george got lost in his words fall over all of them.

"more than anything"

"than what's stopping us? it doesn't have to be now we can plan and and talk about it more."

"yeah you're right it doesn't have to be now as i said i can wait"

"so let me officially ask" dream said with a big smile

"will you visit me?"

"i almost thought you would never ask"

"you're such an idiot" dream said with a soft smile 

"clay..."

"yeah?"

"can you send me another picture?"

"sure if you ask for it"

"i already did"

"no that doesn't count ask properly"

"you want me to beg for you clay? is that it"

dream could feel every inch of his body tangle his face heat up, sweat dripping down his neck.

"i want you to want me george"

"agh you really have no idea do you?" george smiled thinking about how flustered dream might be right now.

"i want to hear it"

"clay...i want you so hard that my body shuts down every time you speak" george said trapping his bottom lip between his teeth. "i feel incomplete without you, every moment i spend not seeing you, not hearing your voice makes me miserable" he sighed "i want you so bad that i don't even think i could control myself if you where right next to me. i don't just want to see you... i- i need it clay. i tried to control this desperate desire, i locked it deep inside of me but now it has being freed..since i- since i sow you dream...you freed it.

not because this, whatever it is didn't exist before you send that picture, just because you trusted me enough, just because you wanted me enough that you showed it to me.." 

george said, like his life was depended on this. like he just got ride of all his pain and sorrow he finally said it.

dream was speechless, this deep care george had just for him... he felt needed for the first time he was wanted. and even if he was doing something wrong, if this wasn't destined to be a happy ending, he wasn't going to let it go he was already too far in. there wasn't time left for the regrets. he wasn't thinking of the possibility of this breaking george or himself, the void could take everything with it or build something so much bigger and stronger. i guess he just has to watch it take everything or give him everything.

"george... i understand. i myself buried this desire over and over again until i simply couldn't. i- i want you to have this"

and dream sends the only picture of him that he acutely liked he took it for george but wasn't going to send it. 

it was a selfie. dream's hand was grubbing his neck and his shirt was exposing his shoulders, low light of his room made him glow yet he still wasn't fully visible.

"uh clay...you can't do this to me"

dream softly smiled "hay don't blame me for being hot"

"oh i do blame you and i guess i will have to punish you the second i see you" george smiled

"so that's how it is?"

they talked for a almost all night and it was time to say goodbye.

"i will see you soon clay"

georges little soft giggle was enough to make dream want him even more. he sounded so happy to finally see clay, even tho none of them understood what that meant, what they felt, what was even going on and how that could change everything for good, they just didn't care there feelings acted before there minds could. dream needed george he needed to hold him closely, privately and that was all he thought about giving no care in the world about consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the little fourth wall brake during the song part, i just couldn’t resist making a joke


	6. hours away

reality didn't seem real anymore, it was twisted, dizzy, it was like everything the lonely man with dirty blonde hair wished for was coming true. 

however that just put so much more thoughts in dream's head, if he even made a single mistake...it could brake crush and burn him alive. mostly he was worried about george tho this flame he so carelessly lit up, had a potential to go off the rails and brake george and any kind of relationship he had with him. 

that terrified dream, but he tried to think that it wasn't a reason to back off, it was the reason to stay... to make it good for both of them to once in his life not fuck up, to make george happy...

george was so exited while he and dream where looking for tickets. his voice has never been this hopeful this shaky from happiness. dream was mindlessly listening to him, getting lost in his voice, thinking of all the ways he could make george happy, make him feel wanted, needed. he couldn't stop smiling every time george said anything.

"caly... hay are you even listening" george said bringing him back to reality 

"yeah sorry i was just thinking"

"about what?"

"about seeing you dummy"

george smiled and rolled his eyes at him  
"so i was asking, does two month sound good to you?"

"what? no i can't wait that long"

"oh really?" george said teasingly   
" i thought you wanted more time?"

"screw that i- i uhm if you want to you can maybe visit sooner?"

"of course i want to, how about a month?"

"yeah that sounds great"

"alright...i still can't believe any of this, in one month i will be holding you so closely, i will finally see you clay"

"yeah it doesn't even sound real" dream took a deep breath 

"however it- it is real and i will try with every bone i have in my body, with every heart beat i have left, every breath i take to make it unforgettable for you, to make you happy, you will never forget this, you will never forget me george i won't let you" dream said with deep sorrow in his voice, like he was trying to not only convince george but himself that he could acutely do it.

"hay even if you tried to there is nothing, no one who can make me forget, clay i will always be here i will always remember. and just so you know you already make me happy" 

"you promise you won't leave?"

"i promise" 

they just set there in silence for a while admiring each other from far. 

then dream broke the silence 

"do we tell them? people i mean"

"why don't we make a surprise, like i stream from your place and than just boom suddenly you're there. just your voice tho of course"

"you're a genius"

"people will just loose it" george said 

"oh we can also take pictures but like i will be wearing a mask"

"yes! and if you feel comfortable we can make short just chatting stream with you next to me but like in a mask"

"sure if you find me a mask that won't suffocate me" 

"i will try me best to keep you alive" george said with a giggle 

"we have to make stream short tho, i can already imagine the sweat on my face"

"hot" george said without giving it much thought 

"what?! what?" dream started laughing 

"stopp" 

"okay okay i'm done" dream said, calming himself down 

it was nice to talk to george so freely without overthinking, they where good friends after all. dream really missed lighthearted conversation.

"so do we tell sepnap and others?" george said

"yeah sapnap should know that you're visiting right?"

"yeah of course"

so they added sepnap to the call and explained the visit.

they where talking every night for past three weeks driving each other crazy with words, selfies, late night texts. they constantly teased each other on stream to. 

but everyday it was getting harder to wait and dream fell even more and more, he just wanted to hold his george, he wanted to finally say...say how he felt face to face and walk past this confusing stage. 

dream woke up because of sapnap's call: "you're late again we are starting the stream"

"sorry sorry give me a second okay"

dream hanged up and got up. suddenly reality caught up to him. tomorrow i will see him...

he quickly connected the server and discord call. putting georges stream on the second monitor as usual, there he was...

"hey george" he said with clearly visible smile in his voice 

"hey"george answered him softly 

"okay just ignore the rest of us" quackity's loud voice brought both of them back to reality 

"hello everyone hello" dream said quickly 

"let them collect materials for wattpad quackity" said karl 

"very funny karl" george was clearly annoyed 

"what are we doing today?" dream asked trying to change the subject 

"we don't really have a plan" sapnap answered 

"well i am going to go mine because i am a big man and i can get stuff on my own so can everyone leave vc2?" tommy said (well yelled actual but that's just tommy)

"oh come on you literally scammed me for diamonds yesterday" said sam 

"true true i was there" dream agreed 

" I AM A CHANGED MAN" 

"of course you are" sarcastically said sapnap 

"leave vc2" tommy got even more annoyed 

"have some blue tommy calm yourself" echoe voice of wilbur came out of no where and scared everyone.

"ghostbur? jesus man you're not even here" tommy said with lower voice this time

everyone started laughing over tommy falling and dying because of wilbur's jump scare.

"okay let's actually leave vc2 now" dream heared george's giggly voice.

he was looking at his stream. hardly believing   
that soon he would see that smile up close. he was staring at georges lips while gently touching his. his dreams would finally come true. 

"dream are you there" george said. apparently everyone left vc2 even tommy because he was talking to tubbo elsewhere. 

"oh sorry i zoned out sorry" he said softly 

"it's okay" george said with a smile

"everyone is in vc4" 

"oh okay give me a second i will drink water and join"

"alright you better leave vc2 before tommy comes back" 

dream took out his phone and sended george a photo: his hand was over his face but you could still see how much he was blushing and sweating, his hair was pushed back.

"i can't wait to see you" he typed underneath the selfie 

"clay you can't do this to me, i'm streaming"

"yeah i can see that, i can see your face getting red, i can see you smile, bite your lip, i can see you sweat george... i like it"

"ohh do you?"

"you have no idea how much i just want to be there right now"

"clay, only a single day is left than you can see me fully, and i can see you, i can feel you, touch you...a day"

"a day seems like a decade right not tbh" 

" i know" 

"dream can you come back to the game i want to hear your voice" george texted after a minute 

and dream continued what filled like a longest game of his life. 

after it ended tho george was just hours away. soon it would be night for him and for george a morning of his flight. 

he was so close yet so far...

________________________________________

george was like a soft whisper hunting dream's mind, he could hear it, he could feel it. but yet again it was so gentle so quiet that he couldn't catch it, hold it close to him.

however that was about to change, everything was about to change.

"i'm omw to the airport :) don't miss me too much"

"oh how will i manage to do that george" 

everything was about to change...

dream heavily fall on his bed and stared at the wall. he wasn't moving he was hardly even breathing. what am i doing? i can't just wait for him like this he thought but still didn't move.

he turned on "the swan" or as he and george called it "falling in love" and let his mind wonder: what would he say? would george hug him? what if george didn't like how he looked, his head was all over the place. he was thinking about georges soft touch, his lips, his skin turning pink because of dream's words, his imagination was eating him alive.

than he heard lightning and fall of first rain drops of what would soon become a storm. 

"shit" he said and rushed to the window. "this isn't going to be good how will i pick him up?" 

he looked at patches "little rain won't be enough to stop me right?"

as patches meaws the storm gets bigger and sound of thunder makes dream jump

"great just amazing thanks for the help patches"

half hour passes and dream gets a text 

"clay i heard about the storm i will stay at the hotel near airport we better stay safe"

"no i can pick you up"

"dream come on now you can wait for one more night. i don't want anything to happen to you"

"alright but if the storm calms down i will pick you up okay?"

"okay:)"

dream sighed and laid on the floor

"one more night" he slowly said

george arrived. 

here it was florida...now clay was so close, he almost felt like if he looked around enough, searched for him enough he would find him standing there with a soft smile.

as george laid in his hotel impatiently he wondered what it would be like to see him so clearly and and to feel his breath near him, his touch, just a thought of holding his hand give him a feeling of sinking in his stomach. it felt so good but so wrong.

he suddenly could hear dream's voice "say it again george...my name" 

and that was a limit to what he could bare so he quickly got up, got dressed and run downstairs.

meanwhile dream was still laying on the floor petting patches. he felt like if he moved just even a little bit, he would wake up and everything would turn out to be a dream.so he refused to even blink. he was drowning in memories of georges voice, his smile, laugh, lips, and he got jumped scared by someone nocking.

he run to the door. as soon as he opened it his eyes got delayed, his whole body light up.

"hay clay"


	7. not a memory...yet

life...what is life? is it just series of regrets we collect with every step we take? does it have some kind of beautiful meaning we are missing? and if it does not, that means in the end life of every human being is just memories, that's what we all gonna became. not a ghost or some kind of being in the all wonderful afterlife with no sorrow, just a memory. than when every single human who remembered us dies as well, that's when we are truly gone...none existent. when you compare the sorrow of real life to the pleasure of imaginary one, you will never want to live again...but right now dream was looking at him, gazing in his eyes and he wanted to live, for the first time he was truly grateful to live, he could feel it...he could feel flames of there connection creeping onto him, he felt it burn him and it felt warm, comforting. pain of burning felt like kisses from forbidden place of pleasure, that only ones who found the happiness in living could visit. 

it twisted his tongue tangled his gut made him melt in his eyes, he wore this mask for so long that his face grew to fit it, however in the eyes of man who was standing before him he wasn't just regretful memories, he was alive, he was burning and he felt it. 

only people that are truly alive can feel things that deeply that passionately. he wasn't even going to try disturb the universe, in a minute there is time for decision witch a minute could never reverse. so he didn't move he only felt. 

sometimes he missed everyone who has ever left him all at once but now he couldn't care less about the world. he cared about not ruining, not letting this one person in front of him leave. georges eyes looked at him with so much care that tears of sorrow and joy almost escaped a prison witch was dream's eyes.

he couldn't say anything, because the most important things are the hardest to say, words simply can't express them, there eyes gazing at each other, cold rain drops covering george were talking louder than words, even touch wasn't necessary simple gaze was enough. 

then he noticed george was shaking and coughing. dream's brain didn't even process that this was going to be there first touch, didn't even realize how close george was. he went into the panic mode because of deep concern he felt. 

so he reached out and pulled george inside. for the first time when he reached out his arms georges soft skin was there to greet him.

"you're such and idiot, why didn't you call me? look at you, you're freezing" he said as he softly touched his face checking his temperature. he resting his head against his, trying to warm him up.

dream obviously didn't even feel the touch, because he was freaked out, george however felt every second of it. dream's long fingers radiating heat, softly brushing over his cheeks, holding his face. his eyes looking at him with deep concern and care. his lips ever so gently laying on his forehead he felt all of it and wanted more.

"it's okay clay i'm- im fine" he said and resting his hands onto dream's 

"why would you just come here in a middle of a storm" dream said with a soft giggle 

"uh you're freezing here i think i'm warm" he said and gently pushed his fingers thro his hair slowly making his way down to touch georges neck. pulling him closer and closer.

george could feel his warm breath gently lending on his face.

"ugh you're so warm" george said and wrapped his arms around him holding him close, resting his head onto his neck. 

as george slides his hand thro dreams waist and holds onto him closely dream feels...loved finally he feels loved and that gives him strange sense of comfort as well as fear of loosing it all.

this simple hug felt like a soft rain in the summer evening, soft touch of rain drops making people suffering in heat feel alive again. dream felt alive again...and in that moment dream could swear the seconds where infinite, joy of life was infinite, all that was because of a touch of a man who cared about him. 

he couldn't find anything wrong in being in his arms, in feeling safe. he couldn't understand why so many lost souls of what we call people considered this wrong.

a soft hug was enough to make george feel safest he has ever felt and warm...dream was so god damn warm.

"okay if you're little bit warmed up now i will go grab some clothe for you and you can go shower okay? i don't want you freezing to death before i get the chance to properly see you" dream slides his head closer "feel you..." he whispers and backs away.

"i didn't bring anything from the hotel"  
george said while scratching his head

"it's fine i will give you something it might be bit longer on you tho"  
"you didn't just casually call me short" george giggled   
"oh come on now you're like here" dreams said and patted georges head witch was close to his chest 

"stop making fun of me and i bet your clothe won't even be that long on me"  
"oh they will be, i like it that way tho, you're cute" dream smiled softly and walked away before george could say anything. 

he opened his closet and took one of his favorite hoodie, it was red and simple but most comfortable and pair of pants. 

"okay here take this and follow me" dream said and led him into the shower

as george walked in and disappeared reality rushed thro dream's brain he is here. 

dream fall heavily on the couch and tried to caught up to everything that just happened: he got the touch he desperately wanted for so long. georges soft arms around him, his warm breath covering dreams face, his pink lips where practically on dreams neck as long as that hug lasted, witch felt like a decade and a second at the same time.

he was here...and made everything bright again. 

he was like soft light flickering in front of dream calling him, but every time dream reached for it, it ran, it vanished...until now. now dream could hold onto it feel its warmth all over him, dream was afraid of loosing his self in it but also wanted to get lost in georges touch, soft smile, words filled with care.

the sound of a shower door opening made dream flinch 

"do you feel better" dream asked

"yeah much better and warmer" george said with a soft smile

"are you hungry or tired?" dream asked with awkwardness in his voice 

"i'm not hungry but to be honest i am really tired"

"i uhm i prepared a guest room for you, you can sleep in there" dream said and got up

dream's hoodie was long on him but also so cute. touch of pink covered his whole buddy, water was dripping from his hair onto his neck.

dream smiled and opened the guest room behind him

they both went in

"so yeah it's not much but i hope you will be comfortable" dream said 

"thanks" george said and fell on the bed

as dream was about to leave george grabbed his hand.

"uhm don't leave please" 

dream quietly set next to him

"so you're here"  
"i am" george said with a soft smile  
"this doesn't feel real george, fact that i can just touch you right now fact that i can feel you, uh it doesn't even sound real" 

george slide his hand closer and put it over dream's, than tightened the grab and slowly brought it closer to his soft lips, he gently kissed dream's delicate fingers.

dream gazed at him with delayed green eyes, his touch was enough to make him loose control.

"how real does that feel clay?" he whispered softly 

"you...you're driving me crazy george" he whispered and moved closer and closer inches away from georges face.

george titled his head and rested it onto dream's shoulder, while slowly fidgeting with clay's soft fingers. 

"i'm- i'm afraid george, not of death or life i'm afraid of wasting this, i want to feel every second that i spend with you, i don't want it to become a memory filled with regret" dream sighed 

"from every painful words that has ever been said to me clay for me most painful are "it might have been" so let's try our best to not say it...let's live life now, let's live today and not tomorrow or yesterday, i'm here now and i'm not going anywhere."

"you're right... this isn't a memory yet" he said and softly kissed georges head  
"i can still feel you"

"i always wondered what it was like to hold someones hand" george said and started tracing something on clays hand  
"i never knew it was possible to feel so much by just touching someone's hand" he said and softly put gentle pink lips on clay's fingers   
"by kissing someone's hands"he whispered 

"me nether" dream said and started tracing something as well

no words where said after that, just touch. delicate touch of a man he dreamed about, cared about. his soft skin was like fire, beautiful but dangerous. george rested his head on dream's chest and finally fall asleep in the arms of a forbidden love.

there was something so tragic about a friendship covered in soft traces of romance.


	8. in the middle of the flames

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the chapter where trigger warning for ADHD comes in.

dream was on what appeared to be a stage, big crowd filled with unfamiliar faces stared at him waiting for his speech.

he started:  
today felt like a fiver dream...my feelings are complicated when it comes to days like this, nothing seems real, memories from hour ago are blurry, confusing. 

my head feels like a winter night, buried in snow.night when loud storm slowly fills people with fear and confusion,snow flakes coming from every direction...those snow flakes are my thoughts blinding me. 

they are everywhere, and it's impossible to catch at least one of them, to focus on at least one. i feel like if i talk loud enough, i can ignore them but that's a thing i don't have anyone to talk to...not someone who's willing to listen. 

if i say it to myself, pointless words just returns to me and finds it's way into pail of snow. thoughts, feelings, reality suffocates me and tears start to escape, not tears of pain or happiness but worst kind of tears, ones you can't explain, can't escape. they just want to be set free from your eyes because your head is already so full there is no space left for them. 

at the same time i have this strange attachment to days like this, they have become part of me.feeling of sickness, feeling like nothing and everything matters at the same time, have become a part of me...what even am i without this storm, what even am i in summer, when this snow of thoughts starts to melt? am i even there by that time comes, if it comes at all? 

unfortunately i don't have answers for this questions that are constantly eating me alive, however i know one thing...i'm most alone when people are around, when they talk, laugh and simply ignore my agony, my confusion. 

none of them care enough to notice that i'm lost in this storm i have created, let alone care enough to help me find the way out...

in fact they get med when i have no place left in my head to listen to them, they get med when i'm confused, when i have no motivation, when i randomly stare into the void, what they don't see is that i'm fighting every day, every god damn day just to stay alive, just to stay sane... 

and the void seems to be the only one to stare back at me, to listen to me, to wrap its arms around me, comfort me. now tell me why on earth would i look at anything else but the void?

he said and looked up to the crowd...there was no one left to listen to him, no one...just empty sits staring back at him, dead silence filled the room. he was completely and utterly alone.

then he sow him...one face looking at him with loving eyes, he was sitting at the very last sit smiling. 

"george...?" dream said and opened his eyes 

he looked next to him, there he was...george wrapped in a blanket almost as soft as his skin, his head was gently resting on dream's chest, he looked beautiful and so peaceful. his hand was holding onto dream so tightly even in his sleep and dream tightened the grab as well feeling him even closer.

"george" he whispered and tears started running down from his face, tears of relief, tears of joy.

"clay?" george said with a sleepy voice slowly opening his eyes 

"clay are you alright" he said with deep concern and lifted his head to see him.

"sor..sorry i- i didn't mean to wake you up"dream subbed and smiled at the same time. 

george reached out his hand and slide it to touch dream's cheekbone, softly covered his tears with his thumb and wiped it away.

"it's okay...i'm here" he said and pressed his forehead onto dream's 

dream reached out to hold george, to feel his comforting touch, and they set there holding each other's face, breathing softly, no words needed.

dream carefully kissed forehead of the man he cherished, he adored . george felt like a breath briefly taken by a man who was trying to hold onto last traces of life, so small but most necessary. 

"get up clay" george said and slide out of the bed 

dream looked at him as the kisses of sun from the window landed on georges face, he was practically glowing.

"come on don't ask any questions just get up"

"okay...okay" dream giggled softly and got up walked closer to this angel of a man smiling at him.

george typed something in his phone and than tossed it on the bed, seconds later melody of "falling in love" filled the room, touching every inch of there souls.

"the swan..." dream whispered, moved closer and reached his hand out slowly   
"will you dance with me george" he asked with a soft smile

"i thought you would never ask" george said with a giggle and slide his hand in dream's 

clay wrapped his arms gently around his waist pulling him close inches away, to feel his delicate breath fall on him.

george put his hands around his neck, letting dream sway him in any direction, just like he once said in the past, while he was so far away yet so close, flames of forbidden connection burnt him there and still burns him here. 

dream moved his had closer and said ever so quitly: "if the world collapsed in this moment george, i wouldn't even flinch, no kind of pain and sorrow would get to me, no kind of heat would melt me, in fact i would gladly set the world on fire, if it meant that i could stay here with you in the middle of the flames"

he slide his head to his left ear and whispered: "kiss me george, kiss me like world is going down in ashes and it's the last thing you're gonna do" 

george lifted his head up looked at dream with his big brown eyes, same way ocean looks at the moon. 

he gently rested his soft lips on his neck, kissed him there so passionately , and made his way up, one more move and there lips would collide..."clay" george said softly with breathy voice and pulled down dream with his shirt, than everything happened so fast, georges lips gently lending onto dream's, there heart beat going crazy, they held each other close and got lost in kiss of desire,

then george titled his head to the side. dream reached out his hand to touch his cheekbone both of them had touch of pink covering there faces.

"i can't get enough of you" he said and kissed him again and again, giving no care in the world about the consequences.

than he slowly made his way onto georges neck and give him gentle kisses there as well.

sound of pleasure escaped george and he immediately covered his mouth.

dream looked up at him with a smile and removed his hands from his mouth "no, let me hear it, let me hear all of it" 

"clay..." george uttered 

they held each other for a while and shared kisses warmer than the sun herself.

"i never asked you, how did you get here?"dream broke the silence 

"you told me where you lived the day before remember?"

"i mean yes but still, you didn't even call not to mention the storm"

"i didn't walk obviously, but i did get lost after uber driver drove past your house"

"you got lost in the middle of the storm?"

"yes" george said with a laugh 

"you're such an idiot, why didn't you call?" dream replied with a giggle

"well i'm okay now and i'm in your arms so storm was worth it" george said and tighten the hug. 

"what am i when the snow of thoughts melt?" clay's head wondered back to his dream and tried to answer the question: 

"i'm not quite sure if there is so called correct answer to this question, however at this moment it feels like my reflection in georges eyes is the real me, one without a mask, one without a soft traces of pain covering it and i want to be that person in my eyes too, because one thing that terrifies me the most, is that one day george will see me like i see myself, than he will leave me buried in snow and i will completely deserve to be left alone, with no way out of the storm"


End file.
